 When Your Spouse Dies
by John Kennedy Saynor
Unfortunately, the time comes in most spousal relationships when one dies. Whether the relationship was good or bad, the loss will be significant. Don't be surprised to find yourself grieving over someone you may not have loved. If that is the case, then you may find it helpful to seek help from a professional.
What Will I Experience?
1. Loneliness Probably the overriding emotion when a spouse dies is loneliness. In the first year, you will experience the loneliness of going through all the major holidays, birthdays and anniversaries alone.
2. Disorientation The map of your life has changed. Not only do you not know where you are going, you probably don't want to go anywhere.
3. Overwhelming sadness The sadness for many is overwhelming. It is the reason why people can't sleep, don't feel like eating, are unmotivated and just feel like withdrawing and crying all day long.
4. Longing for physical intimacy Depending on your own needs, you may find yourself longing for intimacy. This may surprise you if it comes soon after your spouse's death, but it is normal and healthy.
5. Anxious to get on with your life You aren't being disrespectful to your spouse by feeling this way. Use all your spouse gave you emotionally, spiritually, psychologically and mentally to forge new paths.
John Kennedy Saynor is an Anglican Priest, a licensed Funeral Director and Coordinator of the GENESIS Bereavement Resource Centres.
|
Recovering From the Death of Your Spouse
1. Give yourself permission to grieve. You are a grieving person and that is what you should be doing right now.
2. Be patient with yourself and the process. Recovering from a significant loss will take time, perhaps years. But healing will come.
3. Consider joining a support group. You will receive a great deal of support and insight by meeting with those who have experienced a similar loss.
4. Remember the good times. Good memories will also make you grateful for the times you had together. Gratitude is a great healer.
5. Learn from this experience. Spend time thinking about what you gained from your relationship. How has this event affected your values and priorities? How would you like to spend the rest of your life?
6. Draw on your spiritual resources. The journey through grief is a unique part of your spiritual journey. Listen to the words and music of your spirituality and allow them to sustain you at this time. |
