 Anticipatory Grief: What is it? by John Kennedy Saynor
Have you ever noticed how much of life is spent anticipating events, that are about to happen? What many people don't understand is that when we learn a loved one is dying we begin to grieve the loss even while he or she is still alive. This experience is known as anticipatory grief.
What might you experience during the period of anticipatory grief?
1. Sadness You will experience an intense sadness knowing that someone you love is dying and some of your plans will go unfulfilled.
2. Frustration One day you will be in denial. The next, you may be hopeful your loved one will beat the illness. This ambivalence can be very frustrating.
3. Guilt You may have said or done things that make you feel guilty.
4. Anger You may be angry with the doctors, the one who is dying or God!
5. Loneliness You may experience loneliness because the person is no longer part of your everyday life.
6. Fear You are entering unknown territory. You may be afraid of how the disease will run its course. You may fear what life will be like after the person has died.
7. Hope Many people in this situation find a great well of inner strength. You may find strength in your spirituality, your friends, your own life experience.
John Kennedy Saynor is an Anglican Priest, a licensed Funeral Director and Coordinator of the GENESIS Bereavement Resource Centres.
|
Helping Yourself Through Anticipatory Grief
1. KEEP COMMUNICATION OPEN between you and the one who is dying and one or two close friends.
2. TAKE STEPS NOW TO REDUCE THE GUILT. You still have time to say things you have always wanted to say to the one who is dying.
3. MAKE SURE LEGAL MATTERS HAVE BEEN LOOKED AFTER. Does the one who is dying have a legal will, power of attorney and medical power of attorney?
4. TAKE TIME TO CARE FOR YOURSELF. Those who are caring for the dying need to take special care of themselves. Accept all the offers of help you get! Draw on the resources of your faith. Take time for exercise. Find a quiet place to reflect, meditate or just listen to your inner voice. |
